I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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