I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize