I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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