You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
