Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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