a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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