he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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