at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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