i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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