I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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