no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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