plz talk dirty to me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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