yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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