i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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