News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
