i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug