I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
