I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
