do herpes really smell.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
