the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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