i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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