I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize