I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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