I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
