I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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