it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
