Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize