PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
