I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
