420 ftw
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Randomize
