Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize