this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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