I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Drunk is a universal language darling
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