Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
