oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We smell like vodka and hangover
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