I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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