dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
