I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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