I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
