I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's always time for handjobs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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