Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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