hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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