I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
