Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
