I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments