i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.