she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.