dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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