I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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