I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
