I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think your dad took our porno
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
