Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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