in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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