he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
