dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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