If that was your dad, he is hot
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
