Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
