she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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