We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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