So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
