dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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